Friday, November 13, 2009

I want the Pharoahs but theres only Men.

S and I are going to see Neko Case on Saturday night. We've been planning on going to this show since the summer. It always feels strange to me when I make plans so far into the future and then suddenly the future is on your doorstep. Time goes by so fast some times and so slow others. Like in the case of this work day. Its creeping, probably because I have another date with the fellow Ive been seeing. Things are going nicely but at a different pace than I am used to. He forces me to be genuine and that is not a bad thing, but part of whats fun about me is the theatrics.

Here are some of my favourite quotes from Neko Case songs. They are so descriptive and beautiful....

"Last night I dreamt That I hit a deer with my car Blood from his heart Spilled out onto my dress and was warm He begged me to follow But legions of sorrow defied me"

"The next time you say forever, I'll punch you in your face. Just because you don't believe it, doesn't mean I didn't mean it.You never know when I'll show you the never."

"You spoke the words, "I love girls in white leather jackets" That was good enough for love, it was good enough for me "

"Hey pretty baby get high with me,We can go to my sisters if we say we'll watch the baby"The look on your face yanks my neck on the chain And I would do anything To see you again"

Friday, November 6, 2009

Full Deck

I have too been playing with fifty-two cards.
Just cause I play so far from my vest.
Whatever I've got, I've got no reason to guard.
What could I do, but spend my best.

For some reason my confidence is flailing. I met a man who is so sweet, he does things nobody would do if they weren't seriously interested. But for some reason i feel so self conscious with him. For some reason i can't just relax and enjoy the time we spend together because I'm too concerned about thinking about, what he's thinking about me. I know that sounds crazy and its an issue I'm really struggling with. I want to be comfortable but i just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know the worst thing i can do is to just expect more of the same in my life. All Ive ever had are relationships where men keep me at arms length. I can't get close enough to them to feel comfortable with them. I should just relax and see where this goes and not expect it to be more of the same. Its time for something new and maybe this is it. I just know if i cant get out of my own head I'm never going to be intimate with this man and i mean that in a physical and emotional way. He has the MOST amazing date planned for tonight I'm going to go and try to shake off my anxiety and truly enjoy myself.

Monday, November 2, 2009

New Month

I'd like to start the month off with a list of things I am grateful for.

*My cozy apartment and the best roomie ever.

*A job that I actually like going to, and best of all the bills get comfortably paid each month.

*A very sweet date with the most adorable man.

*And a second date already planned.

*My relationship with my family is stronger than ever.

*The ability to be grateful.

There are too many people who are angry with a world that isn't in the least bit angry at them. I hope that you all have the awareness to recognize that there is so much to be grateful for. The minute you start being thankful for what you have, you'll be surprised as to how much more comes into your life.