Monday, October 5, 2009

Getting Prepared.

So I thought i would start a blog in order to keep track of some goals I'm setting for myself. I'm sitting at work today and I'm just feeling real lousy, I over did it last night. Stayed up to late and had too much to drink. I brought a guy home with me that i had just met a few days earlier and although, all we did was sleep in the same bed it still left me feeling really strange about myself today. My body has never felt so run down. It needs some serious attention. I feel bloated and lethargic and dirty. Not in the emotional sense i feel dirty meaning i feel wrong, just literally dirty like i need a long hot shower.
I think all this emotional and physical vulnerability left me with a strange feeling that i must of confused with hunger because i flat out binged today. i could not stop eating all day long. Which leads me to my first goal. I would like to give my body some TLC, i feel tired id like to have more energy. I feel chubby, id like to be slimmer. I feel sloppy, id like to be more polished. So I'm setting out to really give my body what it needs. I feel too often i give in to cravings, whether it be drugs, alcohol, food, or sex that just don't make me feel good once the craving has been quelled.
I watched a short documentary today at work called "super skinny me" it was a BBC doc that follows two average weight women on their quest to reach a size 00. These women have to go to extremes to get that skinny. One of the ladies ends up dropping out because physically and mentally she just can not handle the demands anymore. While the other one sticks it out to the end because she had chose a more sensible, protein shake diet and rigorous exercise plan. What stuck out most to me was these two women's determination. I don't think Ive really ever been able to finish something like that before.
So often i tell myself that i am going to embark on a weight loss plan, just after i finish this hamburger. I think that this time my goal is different, weight loss or no weight loss i need to treat my body right because I'm not getting any younger. I want to feel good inside of my body. I want it to function the way it should ideally function and to not feel stressed physically or emotionally. I want to honestly live "everything in Moderation".

Goal #1: To treat my body in a positive way, in the hopes that i will obtain a more positive body image and respect for myself.

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