TaTa 2009

Thought it had some rough patches I've certainly learned a lot this year. Ive learned the importance of being honest, how to be alone with myself, and the importance of family. My mom used to always say "be good to your family-- they are the only ones who will ALWAYS stick by you." I guess i never realized the significance of that statement until recently.

I really feel that I have come into my independence this year. I'm growing up and its a strange and wonderful feeling. I'm proud of myself and I fell that I am able to make some positive changes in the coming year. With that said here is my list of 2010 resolutions:

1. Be a better Blogger -- Ideally I would blog everyday or every other day, but I'm going to start out with a commitment i can handle and say that I will post every week and maybe that will turn into twice a week and so on. Id like to incorporate more photos of my own in my blog and some quality content. This is not a theme blog, I am all over the place. This is a blog about my life and that is a little scattered as well. There are blogs that I really look forward to reading and though there are very few of you who follow me Id like for my blog to be one that you look forward to reading as well. I am new to this but I really think it will get better with time, so hang in there with me while i figure out where I want to go with this.

2. Re-establish a regular yoga practice --There was a time when i was practicing yoga on the regular, but somehow that slipped away from me. Id really like to get back to waking up in the morning to some energizing poses and having a class that I attend weekly.

3. Clean Eating -- Since taking my job in July I find myself eating out a lot while I'm at work, not to mention the amounts of junk food being offered in the office all the time. Id like to get into the habit of packing healthy snacks and lunches and cooking myself dinners at night as opposed to going out all the time.

4. Log 5 workouts a week -- I feel better when I work out regularly, I have more energy, my mood is better AND my clothes fit better. I really enjoy working out, but somehow i always get hung up on the idea of going to gym and how daunting that can be. I need to harness that feel good vibe I get after a workout and tap into it when I'm feeling to lazy to hit up the gym (which is about 4 blocks from my house).

5. Tighten my budget -- In Sept. I went through the process of asessing where all of my money goes and writing myself out a budget that really works, now all i have to do is stick to it!

6. Go back to School -- This year i would like to get the ball rolling on finishing a bachelors degree in Psychology. I have a lot of goals for a masters degree and career goals but FIRST I need to finish a bachelors, which is going to require some BIG changes in 2010. It just doesn't seem plausible to stay at the job I'm at currently and go back to school, and since Id have to leave my job anyway Ive been looking at schools in....

7. Colorado -- Two very close friends of mine moved to Boulder in Sept. and are constantly raving about life in CO. I'm planning to move out there and become a full time student and enjoy a change. I'm young and single, If i dont make a big change at this stage in my life I don't know that i ever will. There is lots of planning and saving to do but my goal is to move out there by Sept/Oct 2010 and enroll in school by Jan 2011.


Happy New Year Everyone!!

Green Envy

This weekend I did a little Christmas shopping in Newport. Rachel, an acquaintance of mine, owns a shop in the brick market place called Green Envy. Everything in Rachel's shop is organic, fair trade, or Eco-friendly. The shop has a little bit of everything, clothes, swimsuits, fantastic handmade jewelry, an array of natural skin care products, soy candles and more...

I had a hard time not shopping for myself as I fell in love with a wooden peacock ring (hopefully it will still be there after the holidays). I did manage to find my momma a gift, I found a great photo album handmade out of bamboo and banana leaves and a straw tote with a quirky flower screen print. I only wish Newport wasn't so far from providence so I could stop in more often. You can shop Green Envy online at www.greenenvyshop.com.

Other than a little rain (which made people yield to one another on the side walks so as not to bump umbrellas, and made me chuckle when my friend Megan said "hmm umbrella traffic") It was a good day in Newport. Meg and I found a cute little restaurant called The Hungry Monkey where we had a really satisfying lunch. It was quiet for a Saturday afternoon so we lingered a big after finishing our food to chat and Meggy created lovely artwork on the paper place mats.

I want the Pharoahs but theres only Men.

S and I are going to see Neko Case on Saturday night. We've been planning on going to this show since the summer. It always feels strange to me when I make plans so far into the future and then suddenly the future is on your doorstep. Time goes by so fast some times and so slow others. Like in the case of this work day. Its creeping, probably because I have another date with the fellow Ive been seeing. Things are going nicely but at a different pace than I am used to. He forces me to be genuine and that is not a bad thing, but part of whats fun about me is the theatrics.

Here are some of my favourite quotes from Neko Case songs. They are so descriptive and beautiful....

"Last night I dreamt That I hit a deer with my car Blood from his heart Spilled out onto my dress and was warm He begged me to follow But legions of sorrow defied me"

"The next time you say forever, I'll punch you in your face. Just because you don't believe it, doesn't mean I didn't mean it.You never know when I'll show you the never."

"You spoke the words, "I love girls in white leather jackets" That was good enough for love, it was good enough for me "

"Hey pretty baby get high with me,We can go to my sisters if we say we'll watch the baby"The look on your face yanks my neck on the chain And I would do anything To see you again"

Full Deck

I have too been playing with fifty-two cards.
Just cause I play so far from my vest.
Whatever I've got, I've got no reason to guard.
What could I do, but spend my best.


For some reason my confidence is flailing. I met a man who is so sweet, he does things nobody would do if they weren't seriously interested. But for some reason i feel so self conscious with him. For some reason i can't just relax and enjoy the time we spend together because I'm too concerned about thinking about, what he's thinking about me. I know that sounds crazy and its an issue I'm really struggling with. I want to be comfortable but i just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know the worst thing i can do is to just expect more of the same in my life. All Ive ever had are relationships where men keep me at arms length. I can't get close enough to them to feel comfortable with them. I should just relax and see where this goes and not expect it to be more of the same. Its time for something new and maybe this is it. I just know if i cant get out of my own head I'm never going to be intimate with this man and i mean that in a physical and emotional way. He has the MOST amazing date planned for tonight I'm going to go and try to shake off my anxiety and truly enjoy myself.

New Month

I'd like to start the month off with a list of things I am grateful for.

*My cozy apartment and the best roomie ever.

*A job that I actually like going to, and best of all the bills get comfortably paid each month.

*A very sweet date with the most adorable man.

*And a second date already planned.

*My relationship with my family is stronger than ever.

*The ability to be grateful.


There are too many people who are angry with a world that isn't in the least bit angry at them. I hope that you all have the awareness to recognize that there is so much to be grateful for. The minute you start being thankful for what you have, you'll be surprised as to how much more comes into your life.

Dream Boat

Some trivial characteristics of my ideal man....

He would Have a beard....

And play the Banjo...

And Ride a Bicycle....

Oh where, Oh where could this man be.

Perhaps ill find him over the weekend. Lots of fun things happenening. Deertick, Art, Childrens birthday parties. I hope you all have a great weekend too.

The sun is shining the weather is sweet...

If I were a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I were a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves
All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.
If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter,
I know I'd be the snow
As long as you were with me,
let the cold wind blow
If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug
If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

Cats and Dogs.

Ive been dying to have a dog for the past 5 months or so. This is the first time in 4 years that i have lived in a house without a dog. My Ex-Boyfriend and I had a dog, Axl, together. When we went our separate ways he kept the dog because i moved into a house that had a dog already and that dog didn't get along with other dogs. I miss Axl often but have been comforted by living with a few different roommates with great dogs. Since moving in with S Ive been seriously missing the presence of a dog in my life.

I think about getting a dog of my own but i just don't think the timing is right, especially because I dream of having a big dog. Particularly a German Short haired Pointer. (see picture at right)

Our apartment is just too small for a large breed dog, and S is not too fond of dogs and I'm sure she would not have the patience for a puppy. So because having a dog of my own does not really make sense for me right now, S and I have been dog sitting our friends french bulldog, Hugo, on Thursday nights. Which means i have my little sausage face tonight and i couldn't be happier. Hugo is the friendliest, slobberiest, most playful little meatloaf and i thoroughly enjoy the time i get to spend with him. I'll be sure to post pictures next week on Hugo Thursday.

In other pet related news...

I found this photo today on a design blog. I'm sure it is meant to showcase the great furniture in the background. But i couldn't help but notice that this cat looks EXACTLY like S's cat Duff. Its been a rocky road for me and Duff, you see hes not exactly a people cat to be frank he pretty much hates everyone. Since S and I moved in together Duff has slowly but surely been getting friendlier and friendlier with me. I really started to fall in love with him when i recently got the first season of Mad Men on DVD and all I wanted to do was lie around in sweatpants and watch it. I think Duff had just as much of an obsession as I did, because suddenly he started laying on the arm of the couch right next to me and watching along with me. I'm not sure why Duff has started showing me his affectionate side, I think it has something to do with my taking an active role in feeding him, But I'm glad he has. Hes such a handsome guy. This morning i awoke to him jumping up on my bed next to me, I invited him to curl up under the covers and he declined. I guess we'll take it one step at a time.

October is Here.

This morning was a rainy mess, but i quite enjoyed it. A friend of mine commented on the day by saying "Autumn is here! The leaves are falling like a ticker-tape parade". His statement made me smile.

Id like to start cooking more. My roommate S made the most delicious creamy corn and vegetable soup last night. It was light and filling all at the same time, with a hint of dill that didn't over power. It inspired me. Id like to find a good pumpkin soup recipe and if any of you know of any you'd like to share with me it would me much appreciated.

Ive also been inspired to start some new projects. Along with the crochet blanket ill be starting for my friends baby, Id like to have a go at quilting. I think ill do some research at the library this weekend and see what i can come up with.

This weekend promises to be eventful. Its only Wednesday but I'm certainly looking forward to it. Saturday is the RISD art sale on Benefit St. which will be a great chance to start some Christmas shopping, but will most likely turn into shopping for myself. Ill be sure to post some pictures as its sure to be visually exciting. Also on Saturday night I have a wedding celebration for some friends of mine who go married in Vegas last month and now they are celebrating with friends and family in RI. Sunday morning i thought i would head down to Hopkington for Sunday morning meditation at Ananda. Ill have to research a good vegetarian potluck dish to bring with me. The Ananda Center is located on a beautiful farm in Hopkington RI, it is certainly a great place to get connected before the week begins.

Lovely Day

What a lovely day, I had the rare opportunity to sleep in this morning which left me feeling much better than yesterday. I also got out and about on my lunch break this afternoon and truly enjoyed the sunny weather. I wrote a letter to my two pals that have just moved to Colorado, and I've decided to devote significant time in writing them a monthly letter. Id like to include photos and trinkets for them, making it more of a care package than a letter. Neither of the two are from RI originally but found themselves staying a bit longer after finishing college. I know they each have a fondness for the Ocean State and will certainly miss it.

I'm about to begin making a crocheted blanket for a friend of mine that is expecting. She is due in January and the baby shower is in November. I'm hoping to get started on the blanket this weekend and have it finished by the shower. She has decided not to learn the sex of the baby so i want to make something fun an creative that is gender neutral and preferably not yellow. Ill be sure to post some picture of my progress.

I found this great photo on another blogger's site, you'll have to forgive me if it was your blog as i can't remember where i had seen it. It made me smile because mine and my roommate's initials are S & B and we often refer to each other as such. I thought it would be so great to have these for our apartment.

Getting Prepared.

So I thought i would start a blog in order to keep track of some goals I'm setting for myself. I'm sitting at work today and I'm just feeling real lousy, I over did it last night. Stayed up to late and had too much to drink. I brought a guy home with me that i had just met a few days earlier and although, all we did was sleep in the same bed it still left me feeling really strange about myself today. My body has never felt so run down. It needs some serious attention. I feel bloated and lethargic and dirty. Not in the emotional sense i feel dirty meaning i feel wrong, just literally dirty like i need a long hot shower.
I think all this emotional and physical vulnerability left me with a strange feeling that i must of confused with hunger because i flat out binged today. i could not stop eating all day long. Which leads me to my first goal. I would like to give my body some TLC, i feel tired id like to have more energy. I feel chubby, id like to be slimmer. I feel sloppy, id like to be more polished. So I'm setting out to really give my body what it needs. I feel too often i give in to cravings, whether it be drugs, alcohol, food, or sex that just don't make me feel good once the craving has been quelled.
I watched a short documentary today at work called "super skinny me" it was a BBC doc that follows two average weight women on their quest to reach a size 00. These women have to go to extremes to get that skinny. One of the ladies ends up dropping out because physically and mentally she just can not handle the demands anymore. While the other one sticks it out to the end because she had chose a more sensible, protein shake diet and rigorous exercise plan. What stuck out most to me was these two women's determination. I don't think Ive really ever been able to finish something like that before.
So often i tell myself that i am going to embark on a weight loss plan, just after i finish this hamburger. I think that this time my goal is different, weight loss or no weight loss i need to treat my body right because I'm not getting any younger. I want to feel good inside of my body. I want it to function the way it should ideally function and to not feel stressed physically or emotionally. I want to honestly live "everything in Moderation".

Goal #1: To treat my body in a positive way, in the hopes that i will obtain a more positive body image and respect for myself.